The "Perfect Day"

Every weekday morning, my alarm goes off at 5:00 am.  Regardless of what time I went to sleep the night before (usually 10:02 on Wednesday nights), the alarm (set to obnoxious beep, if you are wondering) sounds and one or two nine minute snoozes later I stumble out of bed to get the day started.  Every day I go out to build something, to change somebody, and to become better.  Some days are great and some not so much.  But with all the getting up and going to bed, I find myself chasing that elusive "perfect day".  I get glimpses maybe early one morning or late one night, and I have come very close to putting it all together from pillow to pillow, but the whole enchilada is still out there somewhere taunting/beckoning and everything in between.

Now, before I jump into my idea of a perfect day, I need to put out a disclaimer.  By the "perfect day", I am talking about normal, every day living, but in optimum condition.  I am not talking about a day in Kauai (check out the countdown upper right) or at Pebble Beach for the opening rounds of the US Open (props to Mr. Crosby).  I am not talking about wedding/honeymoon days or birth of children followed by a nightcap friendly game of beer league softball.  No Ferris Bueller's Day Off here.  I am talking about the alignment of all things to work together for the good of a guy just trying to do work to get his.  Cue dream sequence...

My perfect day starts with the same annoying beep at the same time.  I wake up and head out for a bike ride to get the blood flowing.  I come back and head to the back patio where I drink a tall glass of orange juice (maybe cranberry...heck, maybe a mixed cocktail of the two).  Sitting out in the backyard I read my scriptures and take some time to actually pray and ponder about what it is I am reading and how I can apply the gospel of Jesus Christ to my life to be a better husband, father, brother, son, friend, etc...  I have my spirit journal handy and I just listen for answers to help with the challenges that will present themselves (yes, even on a perfect day).

With about a half hour before the rest of the house wakes up, I head inside to plan for my work day.  I review my professional goals and I make sure to identify how the things on my list for the day will help me reach the goals that I have set.  I delete unnecessary tasks and delegate those that can be done by others.  I review the essentials needed for each appointment and I make sure that I block out time to engage in tasks and connect with people that will remind me of the reasons why I decided to do what I do.  I map out the people that I need to talk to and the points that need to be covered with each person.  I purge my email inbox to "no scroll bar" status and I spend the last ten minutes reviewing the "great idea" list to see which ideas can be moved from the "pipe dream" to "started" column.

At 6:29, I hop into bed and cuddle up with my wife.  This morning, I am her alarm clock.  Probably still considered annoying, but without the beeping.  I give her a kiss and try to cop a feel before heading out to wake up the kids.  I go into their bedrooms and wake them up.  We all head to the kitchen where gourmet Hostess powdered and chocolate donettes are waiting for us with glasses of chocolate milk for dipping.  We eat breakfast together as the kids eagerly tell me all about the things that are awaiting them at school.  While they get dressed, I sit on the couch with my wife and we review the plans that we each have for our day.  The kids come into the living room and we are able to read a few verses from The Book of Mormon.  I bear my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel to my family before we kneel together in family prayer asking for Heavenly Father's loving grace and protection to be with us throughout our day.  At 7:10, I walk my students to the bus stop and wave as they board and drive off. 

Back in the house, I shower and dress for the day.  I grab my brown bag lunch and kiss my wife goodbye as I head out the door at 7:45.  In the car, I listen to Pandora (toss up between Jack Johnson and Oasis channels).  As I pull up to my school just before 8:00, I receive a text from my wife saying that she loves me and hopes I have a great day at school.  At 8:00 I walk into my office ready to take on the day.

As I walk in, my office staff greets me and joins me in my office for our daily meeting.  We discuss our goals and tasks/appointments in relation to taking steps to achieve our goals.  I hand off those things on my plate that I can hand off and I share my thoughts from my morning planning session with them.  The schedule for the day is set to allow me to do what needs to be done and see the people that I need to see.  At 8:15, I head out on campus on my way to parent drop off to greet students and parents as they begin their day at my school.  At the opening bell, I head back into the office, grab the stack of things that need to be read/reviewed/approved, and head into classrooms to see teachers teaching and students learning.

The day goes smooth.  I spend two hours in the classroom and I follow up my visits with a few quick emails providing feedback to my teachers regarding the teaching I observed.  I call on some students that need extra support to be successful and I review with them the goals that they set to improve and the specific strategies that we were going to do to support them.  I ate my lunch with students and got input from them regarding things that they would like to see at school.  I was able to connect with teachers and discuss the progress of targeted students and ways that we can improve instruction to help students in their classes.

At the dismissal bell, I head back out to the parent pick up loop and I say goodbye to students and parents.  On their way out, I ask them how their day went and I hear nothing but great things regarding what they were able to learn in class and how much fun they had.

I head back to the office to debrief with my staff and review the progress that was made during the day.  The skeleton for the next day's plans is set and appointments are discussed.  Preparations are finalized and my team leaves for the day.  I continue to work until about 4:30 and then I lock up.  On my way home, I swing by 7-11 and pick up Slurpees for the family.  I swing by the house and pick up the wife and kids and we head over to the lake trail.  The kids ride their bikes and my wife and I walk around the lake.  Her hand in my right hand and a slurpee in my left.  We talk about the things that happened during the day and we share highlights/lowlights.  We laugh.

After the walk, we load up to head back home and end up scrapping the plans for cooking dinner and go out as a family.  On our way out, we decide to call up some friends and invite them along.  We all meet up for dinner and have a great time.  We find the room for dessert and walk out contently stuffed. 

When we get home, the kids get ready for bed and I sit on the couch for a short spell.  I watch Teen Jeopardy (and dominate) while the kids clean things up.  When they are ready, I pause the television and we go into their bedrooms for family prayer.  My wife and I tuck the kids in and then return to the living room.  I continue watching tv until we get back to "live tv" and then I shut it off.  My wife and I grab a drink and head out to the backyard where we sit out under the stars and talk.  Eventually the chill drives us in.  I go into the garage and do a quick workout routine.  After the workout, I hop in the shower and then settle down with either a great book or the lap top and a blog entry idea.

Eventually, we put the dog to bed, lock up, and turn in.  Brush, floss, and listerine and then my wife and I kneel in humble prayer to give thanks for the richness of our lives.  We ask for blessings in the lives of our friends and family, for wisdom in raising our wonderful children, and for the guidance of the Spirit to help us be better the next day.  After our prayer together, we spend time for personal prayers.  The lights go out.  No details are available once the lights are out but what proceeds to happen is the icing on the cake of a perfect day.  Just before drifting to sleep, the thought occurs to me that I really am the richest man in town.

I look at the alarm and I do some quick math in my head to calculate the hours before I get to wake up and do it all over again.

What the "h" am I doing?

I don't know if it is possible to digress off topic in the topic sentence of the opening paragraph, but I am going to try.  I love Denis Leary.  You name it, Mr. Leary has done it.  Stand-up, big screen, emmy-nominated TV, and best-selling author.  Personally, Dennis Leary will always be the kick off voice for one of the greatest songs ever.  Sing along if you know the words (and if you don't know the words, leave this blog and don't come back): "Regulators.  We regulate any stealing of his property, and we're damn good too.  But you can't be any geek off the street.  Gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, to earn your keep."

What you may not remember about Denis Leary is that he has a pivotal role in one of the greatest movies ever made.  The year was 1993 and the character was Bill, stepdad to Scotty Smalls.  The movie, of course is The Sandlot and what stands out in my mind about his character is how disengaged he was as a father figure.  Every time I see the movie, I find myself judging the guy and thinking "JUST PLAY WITH THE KID."  The kid does not need much and is not asking for much.  He just wants to play catch.  Who wouldn't take the time to teach the boy to play baseball?

Fast forward to last Saturday morning and the scene is the nation's 3rd largest retail store.  This 36 year old proud father of two was out with the fam buying a birthday present for an upcoming birthday party that my boy was invited to later that afternoon.  After what seemed like a very long and frustrating search, we finally decided on something Pokemon and then went on to the sporting goods department.  My boy needed a new baseball glove because the boys were going to play baseball at the party and he had outgrown his old one. 

Then it happened.  I grabbed a mit and handed it to him.  I directed my attention back to the rack to pick out another option and when I looked back I could not believe what I saw.  My son, the only Freeman left to carry on the name (not a proud heritage, but that is another blog topic), had put the baseball glove on the wrong hand.

In that moment, it all hit me.  The late meetings, the time wasted, the "not right now", the "how about tomorrow", the yard work, the golf, the baseball/football/basketball/golf on tv...it all was represented there in the aisle where the 7 year old boy stood looking like Scotty Smalls and I was that Bill guy.

Me...that Bill guy?  Are you freaking kidding me?  What the "h" am I doing?  Now, someone could say that I am overreacting.  After all, the kid is only 7 years old.  I tried to tell myself that but it did not stick.  You see, that thinking cheapens the lesson and deflects the impact.  I needed that impact.  It was a moment that sent me reeling because it instantly put my efforts as a dad in perspective, and that perspective was in direct contrast to what I had previously considered.

I grew up without a dad around, period.  I thought I was doing a great job giving my kids what I never had and sometimes that is true.  But every once in a while the dad that I think that I am is not the dad that I am actually being.  Case in point, the other night I was cleaning out some drawers around the house and I came across a drawer full of cards that I had received over the years from my wife and kids.  It was great to read them over and hear the words of love, praise, encouragement, and appreciation from the people that I love more than anything in the world.  But one phrase occurred much more frequently than I am comfortable admitting.  The words "come home" or "glad you're home" kept hitting me right between the eyes.  Funny, I didn't remember them the first time around but as I revisited the memories they stung.  I needed the sting. 

What the h am I doing?  Of course I have to do what I have to do but do I really need to do what I am doing?  There is nothing else more important than these people and spending time with them but yet I am great at finding ways to do everything but that.  I am thinking of things that I have stumbled upon recently and it is making me think that I am in need of some course correction:

Elder Marlin K. Jensen said:

"There is no other organization that can so completely satisfy our need for belonging and happiness like the family. Why do we yearn for home and loved ones? I believe this yearning is a universal, God-given instinct that all people in all cultures are blessed with. I also believe that a loving Heavenly Father gives it to us because within the family we experience most of life’s greatest joys. The sights, sounds, and associations of family and home are among our most treasured memories and provide our fondest anticipations."

The First Presidency in February 1999 issued a call to parents “to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.” 

Joseph F. Smith said: “There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home, and every effort made to sanctify and preserve its influence is uplifting to those who toil and sacrifice for its establishment. Men and women often seek to substitute some other life for that of the home; they would make themselves believe that the home means restraint; that the highest liberty is the fullest opportunity to move about at will. There is no happiness without service, and there is no service greater than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph F. Smith [1998], 382).

Then there's this one...

In June 1965, with the upstart building division of the Church, David O. McKay warned the new members of the committee that their new assignment would stretch them to the limits of time and effort. He then told them that the things of most importance must not be sacrificed for the things of least importance. He asked the new members if they would like to know what Christ would ask them at their judgment. The first two questions offered by President McKay were these:

1. Give an accounting for your relationship with your spouse.

2. Give an accounting for your relationship with each of your children.

The other questions were: 3. What have you personally done with the talents given you in the premortal existence? 4. How did you fulfill your stewardship in Church assignments? 5. Were you honest in all your dealings? 6. What have you done to make a better city, state, and community? [Fred Baker (who was present at this meeting), personal interview with author, 1995].

I am glad this happened to me because I can change.  I will change and I will do my best to recommit to putting first things first.  Time I have...excuses, I don't. 

P.S. Abram Freeman ended up hitting a home run to lead his team (the Cubs, bless his heart!) to victory at the birthday party baseball game.

September 15th, 11:50 EST

Three months since a post?  That level of neglect is unacceptable and I send a sincere apology out to all 4 followers.  Ali, أسف and it will not happen again.

It seems like the word "almost" has crippled me a lot lately.  It is a terrible word, a debilitating word that if unchecked takes good men with "potential" and transforms them into "tinkling cymbals" that cannot be trusted because they are "all talk".

I hate the word "almost".  Rarely is the word used to describe something positive.  Okay, "almost" getting killed in a car accident is quite positive.  I'll give you that one.  Generally speaking, the word "almost" cheapens everything it touches.  You think about it...in the bottom of the 9th inning in game 1 of the 1988 World Series, Dennis Eckersley "almost" got Kirk Gibson out (count was full).  In 2002, the Sacramento Kings "almost" beat the Lakers to earn the trip to the NBA Finals.  In 2003, the Chicago Cubs "almost" went to the World Series (freaking Bartman!). 

Sports aside, whenever I hear the word "almost" being used I instantly think of a couple of sad messages that the word inherently delivers to my brain:

The first thing I think of is King Agrippa.  You may remember the story.  Paul is imprisoned for two years and appeals to have his case brought before Caesar, as was his right as a Roman citizen.  In the process of getting to Rome, he is brought before King Agrippa and Paul bears down some unbelievably powerful testimony to the King.  He recounts his experience and shares his witness of the Savior.  He finishes his remarks with this question, "King Agrippa, believest thou the prophets? I know that thou believest."  King Agrippa's response is legendary and chilling, "Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian." (Acts 26:27-28)

Another thing that pops into my mind is the dontalmostgive.org series of PSAs sponsored by the AdCouncil. You may have heard them...

-There's the one about the homeless man who was almost given a ride to the shelter. 

-The hungry kids that almost got food.

-The elderly woman who was almost visited and helped.

These are powerful reminders that "almost doing" is the same as not doing.  Somewhere recently my switch got turned from the "do" position to the "almost do" position and it has stifled my progress in many ways.

Case and point...September 15th, 11:50 EST.  For the last three or four months I have had a magazine clipping on my nightstand.  It called out to me the first time I saw it and I cut it out because it was an open door to challenge myself to do something that I have been thinking and praying about for some time.  It was a call for essays in a writing contest in a nationally circulated magazine.  The winner of the contest would receive $3,000 cash, a trip for two to New York City, and a series of meetings with the editors of the magazine.  It was a great opportunity for me to test my talent and just throw something out there.  That clipping inspired me every day and night to take the chance "just to see" if I could do something great.  The deadline for the competition was September 15th, 11:50 EST.  Plenty of time...

From time to time, I would play out the essay in my mind and I felt like I had something good.  Maybe not great, but with some work it could get there.  But the important point is that I had something to write.  The night before the deadline, I mapped out my idea and framed it in an outline that would meet the 1500 word limit set forth in the contest rules.  To make a long "almost" story short, the next night I wrote furiously only to see the word count at the bottom of the page hit 1248 and the clock hit 8:51 PST.  That window, that chance, had closed.  I "almost" took my first shot at being a published writer.

Now, I know that I am not done and that there are other chances out there.  You can be damn sure that what I did write will be posted on RMIT soon enough.  The point is that "almost" is robbing me.  It is robbing me of time, opportunity, and progress.  "Almost" is everywhere I look.  Do you know that I have "almost" bought a bike to ride for exercise four times since June?  I have "almost" taken the kids down to Mary Lake to go fishing?  I have "almost" magnified my calling as a home teacher 100% this year.  My wife and I have "almost" got serious and booked temple date nights on our 2011-12 calendar.  I "almost" begin to floss my teeth every time I leave the dentist office where I tell the hygienist that I will recommit to flossing.  I "almost" watch what I eat.  I read my scriptures "almost" every day.  I "almost" empty the change in my ash tray and give it to the beggar as a response to his humble petition.  I "almost" turn the TV off.  I "almost" changed the station the other day when an inappropriate song came on.  I "almost" took the time to say thanks to the teacher in church who spiritually feeds me every Sunday.  I "almost" shared the good news of the gospel with those that I work with.  

The list goes on but here is the scary end of too many "almosts". In Matthew, Chapter 7 Jesus teaches:

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

I love those verses and I want with everything that I have to hear, do, and be the wise man with his house built upon a rock.  What I am quickly realizing is that "Doeth them not"=Almost doing them.  There are too many things to do nothing and the things that need to be done are those things that will put me and my family in the place where my Heavenly Father is expecting me (and them) to be.  

I feel like I am at a "Jimmy Chitwood" crossroads right now.  You know the scene from Hoosiers with Jimmy Chitwood when he shows up at the town meeting and says those famous words, "I think it's time for me to start playing some ball."  Well, that is how I feel.  Not "almost" time to play some ball or time to "almost" play some ball.  It's time to play some ball.