How to be a Man 101

IF.....by Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Greatest Song Lyrics of All Time

I thought that I would move this over to the Post in order to archive the conversation for future readers.  Thanks to everyone who contributed, and by all means, feel free to keep adding to the list via comments:

 

"White Castle fries only come in one size" (Beastie Boys)

"The longer I live the more I believe You do have to give if you wanna receive There's a time to listen, a time to talk And you might have to crawl even after you walk Had sure things blow up in my face Seen the longshot, win the race Been knocked down by the slamming door Picked myself up and came back for more Life's a dance you learn as you go Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow Don't worry about what you don't know Life's a dance you learn as you go" (John Michael Montgomery, "Life's a Dance")

"You say Love is a temple Love a higher law Love is a temple Love the higher law You ask me to enter But then you make me crawl And I can't be holding on To what you got When all you got is hurt One love One blood One life You got to do what you should" (U2, "One")

"So scared of getting older I'm only good at being young So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun Had a talk with my old man Said help me understand He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate Don't stop this train Don't for a minute change the place you're in Don't think I couldn't ever understand I tried my hand John, honestly we'll never stop this train" (John Mayer, "Stop This Train")

"My old friend, I apologize For the years that have passed Since the last time you and I Dusted off those memories But the running and the races The people and the places There's always somewhere else I had to be Time gets slim, my old friend" (Tim McGraw, "My Old Friend")

"You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill; I will choose a path that's clear I will choose freewill." (Rush, "Freewill")

"The best are brought down by degree or killed by curiosities, attention please is all they understand." (Sicko, "Attention Please")

"And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?" (Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here")

"When I was a baby my mama told me son, always be a good boy don't ever play with guns, well I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" (Johnny Cash "Folsom Prison Blues")

Great Examples

A few nights ago I was perusing some of the greatest speeches recorded and came across an address given by Theodore Roosevelt in 1903.  I was somewhat taken aback as I read it, at first because I didn't recognize that part of President Roosevelt's legacy was his oration abilities, but secondly (and more importantly), because what permeated through his words was the obvious strength of his character.  It was truly impressive to see that there was a time when Presidents of the United States called upon men to rise up and be men of strength, men of decency, and men of honor.  It seems to me that those times are becoming lost, where our leaders now are too afraid to mention anything that may be construed as religion, or they have no belief in God anyway and therefore steer clear of any mention of his Almighty hand in our lives.  As unfortunate as it is that we as a nation are losing sight of Him who blessed and created this great nation, I am grateful for the great men and women who built this country on a foundation of virtue and character and faith in God—I don't know a lot about the life and deeds of Teddy Roosevelt, but the one speech from which I am casting my judgment leads me to believe that he is one of those great men.

The entire address is a must-read, but I'm including a few excerpts that really underline the power of his message.

"I am not addressing weaklings, or I should not take the trouble to come here. I am addressing strong, vigorous men, who are engaged in the active hard work of life … Every man here knows the temptations that beset all of us in this world. At times any man will slip. I do not expect perfection, but I do expect genuine and sincere effort toward being decent and cleanly in thought, in word, and in deed…"I do not want to see Christianity professed only by weaklings; I want to see it a moving spirit among men of strength…

"There is always a tendency among very young men and among boys who are not quite young men as yet to think that to be wicked is rather smart; to think it shows that they are men. Oh, how often you see some young fellow who boasts that he is going to “see life,” meaning by that that he is going to see that part of life which it is a thousandfold better should remain unseen! I ask that every man here constitute himself his brother’s keeper by setting an example to that younger brother which will prevent him from getting such a false estimate of life. Example is the most potent of all things. If any one of you in the presence of younger boys, and especially the younger people of our own family, misbehave yourself, if you use coarse and blasphemous language before them, you can be sure that these younger people will follow your example and not your precept. It is no use to preach to them if you do not act decently yourself. You must feel that the most effective way in which you can preach is by your practice."

Those are powerful words to me.  I am especially moved by his talk of men being examples to our youth.  I wonder how disappointed and disgusted the former president would be to watch just 5 minutes of MTV or other similar television programming that is influencing the youth (and adults) of the world each and every day.  So many influences around us teach us to see that part of life that should at all costs remain unseen.

I feel extremely blessed that I have for my entire life been surrounded by great men and great examples that were always clean in speech and that lead virtuous lives.  Those examples have a real, immeasurable effect on countless people.  I am also grateful that I am still surrounded by great men, great leaders, great husbands, and great fathers.  I am surrounded by the type of men of which President Roosevelt spoke.  I am grateful beyond words that these great men are my closest friends.  Their great examples also make them my heros.  It is my hope and prayer that I can be one of these examples, especially to my four beautiful daughters.

Now

On Monday, I was driving around town with the family and I had Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous "I had a dream" speech playing on the bluetooth.  It's a yearly tradition to listen to it and there are so many powerful moments from that historic day.  One line always sends electricity down my spine.  In the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial, Martin Luther King Jr. said these words, "We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism."

I love that idea of the "fierce urgency of now".  I almost feel like it is inappropriate to take text from such an incredibly important moment in our nation's history and apply or relate that language to my life, but I cannot help it.  In our lives, especially as we strive to be our best and build something excellent, there are two things that are stark realities that we need to face daily.  The first is that this moment, the now that is staring us in the face, is truly the most important tool that we have at our disposal.  The second is that there is a force, an adversarial force, that wants the hope, the inspiration, and the promise of that moment and the next "now" that comes after it to "cool off".

Sadly, I have been known to be guilty of joking about "Sunday feelings".  You know the ones.  It comes as a prompting, a subtle call to higher ground.  For me, it usually comes in the quiet times of a Sabbath morning as I take inventory of things.  In those moments, I know what I need to do.  It is clearly set before me.  In my mind's eye I can see the steps to take and, more importantly, I can sense the blessings that taking those steps would bring to myself and those around me.  Then something happens.  It's called Wednesday.  In the blink of an eye, I have mistakenly allowed those promptings to "cool off".  No longer are they clear.  No longer are they calling for me to take action.  They are not lost entirely, but they have faded in a sea of reason, of justification, of distraction, and of procrastination.  The call, and its powerful effect, seems a little less clear with the many different voices all calling and claiming my attention.  I can try to revive it and call it back but when I go to take action and strike, the iron has cooled off and the net effect is far from what it could have been had only the strike come earlier, while the iron was hot.

"Better late, than never" may be true, but it is not excellent.  "Now or never" is more like it.  These thoughts may not be huge at the moment but they are given to me with the intention to make me better and when I fail to seize the moment, the result is I lose.  And any others who that action might have blessed lose also.  Besides, I think to myself, that I am not qualified to determine what is "huge" and what is minimal.  What if I would have let the idea to propose to my wife "cool off"?  Or, go further back, and what if I never even kissed her that Sunday afternoon on the River Trail?  What if I don't accept the invitation to pray about Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, and The Book of Mormon?  It is a scary game to go back and ask what if, but it is the same game with the same results when I fail to move forward when prompted in the now.

I know that it is not monumental like what happened on that August day in 1963, but the "fierce urgency of now" that I face is indeed monumental, on an entirely different scale.  It is a reality that we all face.  May we grab it by the throat and when the door opens a crack, may we be found busting it in.  Act "that each tomorrow find us farther than today".  Say the words that we feel need to be said.  Express love and appreciation to those by your side.  Pray, read, ponder, work, obey, run, serve, travel, love, live.  When the path is marked before you take it and take it now.  Excellence awaits.

Are you there God? It's me Cam Newton!

Cam Newton.  What a guy!  Run out of Florida for being a world class slacker who couldn't take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime.  Instead he was more concerned in honing his burglary skills and stealing laptops.  After being uncerimoniously sent packing,  he plays football at a JC in BFE (that one is for Kel Kel) Texas to lay low for a while and let his image begin repair.  To mark his return to division 1 football he solicites offers for cash to play and is caught red handed and given a pass by the NCAA.

After all of these shananigans,  this DB has the sack to look at the camera after winning the Championship game and say "I am an instrument of God,  God works through me".  Can you believe this moron?  Can you believe how completely self absorbed this dude is?  The guy has spent his life given a hall pass from all real responsibilities. Has thought of no one but himself,  and now in his shining moment proclaims how he walks with God.

I wonder how many times he has called on God at all!  With all that is going on in the world, natural disasters,  people starving to death,  children dying, wars, you mean to tell me that Cam Newton is first in line for blessings from above?  I can see it now,  a young father who has been away from his wife and children for several months crouches behind a burnt out car in the middle of a firefight.  As his thoughts turn to his family he offers a silent prayer, "please God protect me and let me live to guide my son in life as his father".  God looks down as a loving father himself on his son in this unimaginable predicament and says "hold on,  the game is almost over and I need to get Cam this win".

Your an instrament all right Cam. . . . . . a freaking Tool!!

G

Father and Son

Been thinking about my oldest son lately. I have noticed lately that he seems to be struggling some with his emotions. Up until now, he has loved school. This year, he often says he does not want to go. I think that there are probably a number of factors, but it got me thinking about my relationship with him. Maybe I need to be giving him more one on one attention. What kind of father am I to him (and the other kids as well). Am I his hero? If so, am I living up to that? Am I worthy of that? What have I taught him thus far?

I was recently reading some posts from “The Art of Manliness” and came across a great post called “Teaching Your Son to be a Man” and read the following:

"If I were to stare in my son’s eyes, and explain what it is that makes a man, I would not breath a word about how much that man might bench, or in which athletics he may excel. My inventory would be different; a list our grandfathers would surely approve.
I would tell my son that he must never walk away from what he knows is right, and though it may be hard to stand tall against our enemies, it is even harder to reach for the sky opposite our friends. I would tell my son that he must do both, always and without fail. A man who goes along with that which he knows is wrong, whether it is to be a part of something or simply because it is easier, will see less than he wishes when looking in the mirror." (Read more: http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/02/teaching-my-son-to-be-a-man/#ixzz1AnjUHMWC)

Powerful! Do I follow this in my own life? All I can say is that I try.

I am amazed that our Father in Heaven has placed so much trust in us to raise these children. What an awesome blessing and responsibility. I hope that I can raise my kids to live righteously and that they will always have an understanding, appreciation, and desire to follow the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That I can raise both my boys to be worthy priesthood holders and become true men (and better men) than I. I hope when my children look into the mirror that they do see what I see in them.

Thinking About Fleas

As we all know, all books are not created equal.  There are books and then there are books that change who we are.  Maybe it is the story or the character.  Maybe it is just a line in the book, maybe it is the whole book that changes us.  But somewhere an idea is presented that changes how we think about ourselves and the world around us.

And that is why I am sitting here on a Sunday night thinking about fleas.  You see, I discovered one of those life-changing ideas in the book Self Matters, written by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.  Yes, I am talking about Dr. Phil, but before you stop reading, hear me out.  I can honestly say that page 95 of that book changed my life.  He talks about research done with fleas in a jar.  There is a lid on the jar and the fleas jump up and hit the lid for hours.  Eventually the fleas learn to avoid the lid and jump just below it.  An amazing thing happens when the researchers took the lid off.  The fleas won't jump out.  No lid, no limits, and the fleas are perfectly content with jumping just under where the lid was.  They condition themselves to limit what they are capable of doing because of temporary environmental conditions.

Now, the first time I read that I was blown away.  In the many years since I read that I still find myself reflecting on the truth in that experiment.  There are so many things that I have learned from that example.  I think of who I am and what I am really capable.  The plain and simple truth is that there is no limit to what you or I (or anyone) can do with this life.  We live in a world that is constantly trying to put lids on and unfortunately we do get conditioned to think we cannot when we really can.
I love the short verse in Luke 1:37 and I like to think that is a line of scripture that is written on my heart.  This simple story of fleas makes me think of great quotes like the following from Maryanne Williamson (used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech):

     “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"Playing small" is a powerful way to put it.  We are great and there is no lid!  We need to surround ourselves with individuals who get that simple fact and live great lives. Shun the mediocrity of the day and swim upstream.  Build.  Love.  Take chances.  Say what needs to be said when it needs to be said with no regrets.  We are not fleas and through the choices that we make, we can control how we will respond to the conditions that life present to us.

What impact do I have on peoples lives?

Good question right?  It's a question that I can pretty easily answer with a solid no.  The last several months have made me think about a lot of things.  Mostly about who I am as a person and the relationships that I have invested time into over the past several years.

The other night I was laying in bed thinking about all the things I have going on in my life and the thought occured to me "what impact do I have on people's lives?"  The older I get the more I want people to know who I really am and what I really am all about.    But that being said I don't know that I always give those people that I come in contact with and especially those people that I care about the chance to know who I am.  I recently moved to a new area and left a bunch of people behind that I care about.  Did they know I cared?  When I left did they say "I'm glad that dudes gone",  or did they say "I am going to miss him because he impacted my life".  I don't know the answer to that question,  but I do know I can start treating people in a way so I will know the answer to that question in the future. 

Ask yourself everyday "what impact do I have on peoples lives", and you won't have to wonder where you stand.